the Vesuvius in my body
Rage pulses forever deep within me...waiting for something or someone to pull the trigger that will cause an explosion of emotion. I know it's down there and I deeply fear it.
I hang a dream catcher from the mirror in my truck...not to catch dreams...to catch stupidity...rage...my stupidity...my rage...and it works because I anoint it with with friends...my family...I get it and I touch it and I feel them tell me to be courteous.
But, I don't have a dream catcher over my desk...maybe I should.
That deep rage boiled...burglarized three times...thirteen months...out $40,000.00...my life being taken from me...I ordered the gun..a nine shot..9 millimeter something. I was going to protect what was mine.
The papers were filed. I needed to wait. Okay, I could wait.
The accident happened just down from my shop. The sirens, the police, the fire engines, the helicopters and the gawkers convened.
My son was a gawker.
"Someone was run over by a semi. They don't know if was an accident or if he committed suicide."
Good, I thought. I hope it was one of the bastards that robbed me.
But, maybe the dream catcher was calling me from my truck.
"That not good. You have no idea who the man was. Your first thought should be one of empathy. What about his family? Do you hate them? If he wasn't one of the burglars...would you still be glad. And...even if he was one of them...does that crime deserve the death penalty? Does any crime really deserve the death penalty.
What if you catch some teenagers putting graffiti on your walls... would you kill them..in a fit of rage?
The argument was powerful.
I did not and do not have the right to kill someone and yet...in a fit of rage...with a gun in my hand...I might pull the trigger.
I realized that I would not ever retrieve what had been stolen. I also realized that maybe some of the fault was mine. Maybe I should have had a better protection system.
I called and canceled the gun and spent the money on better security. I have not been burglarized since and better yet, I have not shot anyone.
/ / / /
I believe that all of us have a deep spot hidden somewhere deep down inside that can explode if someone lights the right fuse...it is best not carry a stick a dynamite in your pocket.
for "mindlovemisery" - Losing control
"Sunday Scribblings" - enjoy
"Two Shoes Tuesday" - Stolen
"Magpie Tales" - Passing Place
Posted by George S Batty