the Vesuvius in my body
Rage pulses forever deep within me...waiting for something or someone to pull the trigger that will cause an explosion of emotion. I know it's down there and I deeply fear it.
I hang a dream catcher from the mirror in my truck...not to catch dreams...to catch stupidity...rage...my stupidity...my rage...and it works because I anoint it with with friends...my family...I get it and I touch it and I feel them tell me to be courteous.
But, I don't have a dream catcher over my desk...maybe I should.
That deep rage boiled...burglarized three times...thirteen months...out $40,000.00...my life being taken from me...I ordered the gun..a nine shot..9 millimeter something. I was going to protect what was mine.
The papers were filed. I needed to wait. Okay, I could wait.
The accident happened just down from my shop. The sirens, the police, the fire engines, the helicopters and the gawkers convened.
My son was a gawker.
"Someone was run over by a semi. They don't know if was an accident or if he committed suicide."
Good, I thought. I hope it was one of the bastards that robbed me.
But, maybe the dream catcher was calling me from my truck.
"That not good. You have no idea who the man was. Your first thought should be one of empathy. What about his family? Do you hate them? If he wasn't one of the burglars...would you still be glad. And...even if he was one of them...does that crime deserve the death penalty? Does any crime really deserve the death penalty.
What if you catch some teenagers putting graffiti on your walls... would you kill them..in a fit of rage?
The argument was powerful.
I did not and do not have the right to kill someone and yet...in a fit of rage...with a gun in my hand...I might pull the trigger.
I realized that I would not ever retrieve what had been stolen. I also realized that maybe some of the fault was mine. Maybe I should have had a better protection system.
I called and canceled the gun and spent the money on better security. I have not been burglarized since and better yet, I have not shot anyone.
/ / / /
I believe that all of us have a deep spot hidden somewhere deep down inside that can explode if someone lights the right fuse...it is best not carry a stick a dynamite in your pocket.
for "mindlovemisery" - Losing control
"Sunday Scribblings" - enjoy
"Two Shoes Tuesday" - Stolen
"Magpie Tales" - Passing Place
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The ending shows such wisdom I am so glad that was your choice. I am sorry about robberies though =( I remember when I was taking Keppra for Epilepsy it caused intense rage as I didn't want to take it out anyone I started taking it out on myself. I wasn't on that medicine for long that sort seething blinding rage was scary. I get angry plenty without a medicine making me even more angry lol I like your idea with the dream catcher
ReplyDeleteI like the notion of a dream catcher for road rage...
ReplyDeleteBrainy and rather wise... Fine work.
ReplyDeleteWow...that is powerful! Dream catchers play a special role in my world as well. I am also happy to see work by you again. I haven't been on the Sunday Scribblings in forever. Happy to see your powerful writing again.
ReplyDeletenicely done...thanks for sharing
ReplyDeleteAs you get older little pieces of you are stolen. Usually 'anno domini' is the culprit. Gun's not much use against him either. Great piece of introspection OG.
ReplyDeleteExcellent thoughts! Uncontrolled anger is our greatest enemy, leads us to perform acts which in a few minutes we are regretting having committed!
ReplyDeletemmm hard to hold yourself in check when the instrument of your vengence is in your hands and you dont have to stop to think before pulling the trigger....
ReplyDeleteTo get even is not something that solves a problem. Good decision on which whatever that avoids violence! Nicely George!
ReplyDeleteHank
Fortunately owning a gun is not an option here in the UK - thank goodness!
ReplyDeleteHmmm , the laws of attraction can become self fulfilling....wise philosophy here !
ReplyDeleteThe desire to protect what we love is more instinct than anything. Overcoming instinct is the mark of an enlightened man. But if the threat comes too close to home, we still pull the trigger! Fabulous writing Grizz, it is thoroughly authentic!
ReplyDeleteThose, who do not know what they should be doing, should not have firearms.
ReplyDeleteA powerful and thought provoking write George. :-)
ReplyDeleteYou sucked me right in, and kept me in your grip till the end -- great and wise short.
ReplyDelete