Our fight with Cancer - three

I say "our fight"  and it was...even though she had the beast and I could only watch and cry.

I had to cry in the night...away from her...not in front of her...in front of her I had to be strong.

I knew that if she didn't make it, I wouldn't make it..

Oh, I am sure I would have continued. I have heard of some people dying of heart break.  Would I be one of those.  I wasn't sure but I wondered and I began to know the feelings of that kind of loss...not completely because I was lucky.

But then...then I wasn't sure...then... I was in a fog...a daze...with a smile that I hated.

She did the elephant walk 3 times a day for the week she recovered from having her stomach being cut open and her intestines reorganized.

Sometimes we forget who the heroes in the story really are. In this case, it was kaiser Insurance. If what I have written makes you feel like we were unhappy with our care provider...

Not true...

Nancy went in for a "check up" on Thursday. They removed her cancerous tumor on Sunday. That's fast and it would have been faster but she had to wait a day in order to get some blood.

Kaiser wasted no time or effort in doing all they could to treat my wife. I do not intend this article to be a commercial for a care provider but it would be remiss of me not to give them credit for saving my wife's life.

/   /   /

Once the knife work was finished and my wife's stomach had healed they had to kill or attempt to kill what ever devils were still lurking inside of her. The best way I can describe it is roasting a marshmallow. You keep it close the heat to get it to a beautiful toasty brown...to close..your turn it into charcoal or a burning flame.

Also, with cancer comes the treatment conferences...not with the doctors...they knew what train to put her on and what station to take her off.

The conference is with the family. Everyone has watched the shows, the commercials and heard of the miracle treatments. The advice comes from everyone...family...friends...vulchers...

Go here...go there..drink this...the latest is...your provider doesn't know what they are doing...get this doctor...go to that hospital...

The truth is...if you're normal people and lucky enough to have medical insurance, you are stuck with the provider you have.

If you are wealthy and have all the money you need, then you can shop around.

We are not wealthy. We were stuck with kaiser... and thank God..no one could have done a finer job.

However, in those moments, hours, weeks, months...all you can do is hope and pray.


to be continued


  1. Grizz I am so happy your wife is well, reading this really choked me up. Your writing in this is truly outstanding and your words really stuck in my heart.

    1. thank you...I really appreciate your comments...did you see my note on the coffee cup?

  2. ugh, i imagine so...my father has had over 100 skin cancer surgeries....my cousin testicular, my uncle throat cancer
    so cancer has def touched our family as well...so hard man....

    1. man you've been through the gauntlet...hope they were all as lucky as we have been...

  3. I think your last sentence said it all, to be the one who watches and waits, and cries alone at night, is a role just as difficult and terrifying as the one who is being treated and hopefully cured. I have often wondered too, how is it that people find the courage and strength to go on if the outcome is different than prayed for, and yet I look at Papa Bear and see that it can be done. I want to think I could do as well by him if it ever came to that.