I see the ball
rolling towards the green
hear the words of praise

I wonder what he sees
I wonder what he remembers
his eyes staring me down

I look away
and remember the dice
his eyes knowing every point

I chance to try again
but his eyes have not wavered
do they accuse me

I feel the guilt
of him not me
why? I ask but not to his eyes

our life our friendship
is heavy on my heart
and yet I cannot face his eyes

they do not falter
they do not move
I wonder if he is still there

I want to say a word
that will make him smile
I cannot

I try one more time
but now, I feel I am looking
into an empty soul

I hold his hand 
but only a moment
I did not want to let go

for fear that maybe
his eyes are begging me
to hold him here

I turn and walk away
with one backward glance
his eyes are calling me

I cannot leave
I sit and hold his hand
his eyes finally close

not in death but sleep
he breathes deep
I wipe the tears from my eyes

                                                                             gs batty/August 2013

Sometimes living is not easy...the guilt of living while others are dying is like a blanket of stone.
My life long friend is struggling with brain cancer...the outlook is not good...I hope and pray for the miracle....


  1. Awww Grizz (hugs) I am so sorry to hear this what a touching and emotional poem

    1. M..thanks for the visit and the comment...these are tough times for me...

    2. I have lost family to cancer, seen it up close, it is devastating but I have never watched a close friend go through it I can't imagine how hard that must be (hugs)

    3. I sat by wife's bed as she fought cancer. It was terrible experience...watching her fight her battle. I could only be there and take care of her, but she had a chance 30-40%...her will to beat it was absolutely amazing. Never...not one time...did she say "why me?"...It was always..."I have today and I'm going to make the best of it".
      However, my friend is like a deer in the headlights...I don't know what he's thinking or if he's thinking...
      thanks for your thoughts

    4. Your wife sounds truly amazing and so strong

  2. i am sorry...what hard stuff...sometimes you wonder why this happens to good people you know man...and cancer has touched several in my life as well..i feel the heaviness in your words....

    1. thanks Brian..appreciate your words

  3. I'm so sorry about your friend.

  4. As one who is also dealing with a friend who has terminal cancer that has taken a cruel form, I feel your pain in these words. We feel so helpless, there is little we can do. But we can be there so they know we care. I think there is always a certain amount of guilt... why him or her instead of me? Why so often the really nice folks instead of the ones that aren't? Cancer is the cruelest of evils, my heart goes out to you and to your friend. May he find peace and comfort in your presence.