friendship

I see the ball

rolling towards the green

hear the words of praise

I wonder what he sees

I wonder what he remembers

his eyes staring me down

I look away

and remember the dice

his eyes knowing every point

I chance to try again

but his eyes have not wavered

do they accuse me

I feel the guilt

of him not me

why? I ask but not to his eyes

our life our friendship

is heavy on my heart

and yet I cannot face his eyes

they do not falter

they do not move

I wonder if he is still there

I want to say a word

that will make him smile

I cannot

I try one more time

but now, I feel I am looking

into an empty soul

I hold his hand 

but only a moment

I did not want to let go

for fear that maybe

his eyes are begging me

to hold him here

I turn and walk away

with one backward glance

his eyes are calling me

I cannot leave

I sit and hold his hand

his eyes finally close

not in death but sleep

he breathes deep

I wipe the tears from my eyes

                                                                             gs batty/August 2013

Sometimes living is not easy...the guilt of living while others are dying is like a blanket of stone.

My life long friend is struggling with brain cancer...the outlook is not good...I hope and pray for the miracle....