returning to our story...the little boy that has been playing hide and seek with the elephant...hismother has arrived and discovered the elephant stuck in the tree...she faints upon seeing an elephant in a tree...the boys asks if his mother is dead...
"Is my mother dead," the boy asks?
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“No,” I replied. “She just passed out. Sprinkle some water on her face and she should be okay.”
The boy was very gentle. He did not sprinkle water on her. He took his shirt off and got it wet from the brook and slowly wiped her brow until she woke up.
She sat up and looked back into the tree. “Oh my God,” She said. “There is an elephant in the tree. For lands sake how did an elephant get in the tree?”
“I put myself here,” said mister elephant. “How many times do I have to say it? Do you have any more of those peanut butter and jelly sandwiches? I am really, really hungry. But, I don’t want any more of those Oreo cookies. I seem to be allergic to chocolate.”
Then he sneezed and the whole tree shook.
Of course the donkey couldn't resist. “Now I suppose we will have to call the doctor? If the doctor comes then he will call the paramedics and they will call the fire department and they will call the police and the police will call the reporters and the next thing you know, we will have fifty news vans parked everywhere. Man, talk about an ecological disaster.”
Mister elephant was becoming agitated. “Be quiet donkey. Why don’t you take the boy’s mom to make me some peanut butter and jelly sandwiches? I think about three hundred should do it.”
“That’s the solution,” donkey said. “We’ll just feed him until his fat rear end breaks all the branches and he falls out of the tree.”
“That’s just fine by me,” mister elephant snorted. “Just get me food, any food. But, I really want some more of those peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.”
The boy’s mom took the boy and they went to find some food for mister elephant.
I could hear her muttering to herself about going to the store for bread and peanut butter.
Mister elephant said, “Please hurry, my stomachs killing me.”
I sat down by the brook and said, “I've got a head ache and my feet are still killing me.”
Mister elephant said, “Don’t take off your shoes and socks again. I don’t want to smell your stinky feet. I didn't think you politicians ever did anything but talk. Are you trying to illegally register the boy so he can vote for you?”
“I am not a politician,” I yelled up at him. “I am a retired undertaker.”
“Great,” Donkey said. “Take your shoes and socks off and let your stinky feet kill him. When he falls out of the tree, you can bury him and we can all go home.”
“Funny, funny, funny,” mister elephant groaned. “I don’t have to smell his feet; your jokes are killing me."
Just then one of the boy’s friends came to the tree and started laughing.
“It’s really true,” he giggled. “There is an elephant in a tree, and an ugly donkey.”
“Are you really a politician?” He asked me.
“I am not ugly,” donkey said.
“I am not a politician,” I groaned.
“Yes you are,” mister elephant and donkey said in unison. “You sold out for one lousy Oreo cookie.”
The boy’s friend couldn't wait to tell everyone about the elephant in the tree, the ugly donkey and the politician. They never had a politician in their neighborhood and certainly not an elephant in a tree.
The boy’s friend told his mom. His mom called her brother who was a local newspaper reporter. The reporter came with a photographer and the evening paper had a picture of a frightened hungry elephant setting in a tree.
The headlines read: “LOCAL POLITICIAN PUTS ELEPHANT IN TREE”.
Naturally the story was picked up by the evening TV news and before dark there were news vans from every major news source in the world.
Nobody bothered to feed the poor hungry elephant. Everyone wanted an interview. Every person in the neighborhood was on one channel or another all across America and the rest of the world.
Animal cruelty was being reported.
Political tricks were being reported.
The donkey was accused of kicking his political rival into the tree.
I was asked what office I held. I was asked to run for Governor and finally one group wanted me to run for president.
Everyone knew the “real” story and every “real” story was different than the other “real” stories and they were all wrong.
However, that didn't bother the news media because each and every one of them had a “scoop”.
The Republicans accused the Democrats of demeaning their national symbol.
The Democrats put an ad on TV disavowing the “ugly donkey” as their symbol.
Their handsome donkey was somewhere in Maine stumping for an election in that state.
The Republicans adopted the “elephant in a tree” as their new campaign slogan to show the entire world the cruelty of the democrats.
The Democrats accused the Republicans of campaign lies.
The elephant was still hungry and decided no one was going to bring him any peanut butter and jelly sandwiches so he decided to do what he should have done before the whole mess began.
He put himself out of the tree simply by jumping.
He landed with a great thud but all the news people were so busy gathering news that they did not see or hear the only news that was happening.
Mister elephant walked away without a word to anyone.
I could hear him mumbling to himself as he walked away, “I wondered if she made my peanut butter and jelly sandwiches made yet?"
The donkey followed behind mumbling something about being called ugly.
When the news media finally figured out that the elephant and the donkey were gone they all took off in different directions looking for the terrorists that had captured the symbols of our fine and upstanding political parties and were holding them for ransom.
Since I was no longer part of the donkey and elephant story and I was not of the correct ethnic group, I was not considered important anymore.
I took my shoes and socks off and resumed soaking my stinky feet in the cool water.
/ / / / / / // / /
yes...there will be more
yes...there will be more