The Elephant Tree - Part 12


Our three innocent bystanders have been accused of being subversive bastards. The only people who know where they are hiding are the writer and the photographer. They have been fired by the editor of the "Honest Paper Gazette" because the editor wanted the credit for the story.

So the writer and the photographer have sold their story to the "Sleaze Revue". The editor of the "Honest Paper Gazette" is in hot pursuit of  of the innocent subversive bastards...along with the CIA, the FBI, the White House staff, the President and Aljazeera.

/ / /


The plane, carrying the editor, his well endowed ghost writer, the CIA, the FBI, the White House spies, and the Pentagon Spies landed at small airport near where the elephant had been hiding in the tree.

The limo driver for the editor was instructed to take them directly to the town of Elephant Tree.

"Sir, there is no town of Elephant Tree," the editor was informed.

"There sure as hell is," replied the editor. "My staff is on their way right now so you better damn well punch it in your GPS and let's get going."

"I have sir and there is no such town."

The editor was fuming and looked as if he was going to explode but before he could open his mouth to scream obscenities at the driver, the well endowed ghost writer said, "Just take us to where they saw the elephant in the tree. That would be the logical place to start."

The editor said, "That's exactly what I was just going to say."

The FBI, the CIA, the White House spies, the Pentagon Spies and all their moles didn't think to have limos waiting for them so each group grabbed an airport taxi…

"Follow the limo…"

"Follow that taxi…"

Etc…etc…etc…(however may etceteras necessary to cover all the taxis necessary to cover a plane load of government employees.)

It is not necessary to discuss who was paying for it.

The procession of a limo and a bunch of taxis sped through the town causing everyone to wonder what was going on and soon half the town was following the Editor's limo and the government agent's taxis to the elephant tree.

The taxis were all being driven by Iraqi, Iranian, and Afghanistan refugees and they all called their families back home to tell them of the excitement they were involved in. Every one of their phones was bugged and soon all of the middle east was aware of the subversive elephant, the donkey and the upstart politician..

When the editor pulled up to the elephant tree he said, "Oh my god, it's worse than I thought. Those lousy subversive bastards have taken the whole town with them. Call our local affiliation and have them get their news chopper in the air. I want it connected directly to me and no one else."


The limo driver, who was a mole for Boss Sleaze and had already patched his phone into Boss Sleaze's phone, called the local paper and within minutes "Sky 86" was in direct contact with the editor and his well endowed ghost writer, Boss Sleaze, the CIA, the FBI, the White House spies, the Pentagon spies and was also live on Aljazeera.

When all of the taxis pulled up next to the limo, everyone said, “Oh my god it’s worse than we thought. Those lousy subversive bastards have taken the whole town with them. Call the office and get some helicopters out here on the double.

The president, who really didn't need all of the other government people to keep him informed, was having a cool drink in the oval office listening to every word that was being said on his smart phone.

The president hit all of his intercom buttons and said, “It’s worse than we thought. The subversive bastards have taken the whole town with them.


The taxi drivers all agreed that there would never be a subversive camel.

/   /   /

Boss Sleaze was licking his lips and squeezing his hands as he thought about the coup he was about to pull off.

But, then he started wondering where the two idiots were going to hide an elephant and a donkey.

"Get that fat writer on the phone," he ordered.

"Where the hell are you hiding those subversive bastards?"

"You told me not to tell."

"Well now I'm telling you to tell!"

"It's only been an hour. We haven't moved them anywhere."

"Where are they?"

"You told me not to tell"

"Goddamn you, Stumpy. You're working for me and I want to know where they are."

The CIA, the FBI, the White House spies, the Pentagon spies and all of Aljazeera's viewers were waiting for the answer.

Stumpy was not stupid. Giving out what he knew about the subversive elephant and donkey got him fired from his last job.

"Screw you. I'm not going to tell you anything until I see some money."

"How am I going to pay you if I don't know where you are?"

"Wire it to my Swill Bank Account."

"You have a Swill Bank Account? Why the hell do you have a Swill Bank Account?"

"Doesn't everyone in New York have a Swill Bank Account?"

"What about Ichaposi's money."

"Send it there too."

"Doesn't he have his own account?"

"A photographer? Where would he steal enough money to open a Swill Bank Account?"

"Okay I'll get my finance department to send it right away. Now where are they?"

"Damn Sleaze, haven't you ever heard of the turnip truck theory. When I'm notified that the money is there, I'll call you."

The simple word "shit" could be heard from Boss Sleaze, the limo, all the taxis and the White House.

The Phrase "Camel Dung" echoed across the sand dunes of the Middle East.

The editor of "Honest Paper Gazette", Boss Sleaze, the CIA, the FBI, the White House spies, the Pentagon spies, the White House and the owners of Aljazeera all sent money to Stumpy's Swill Bank Account and waited for him to reveal the location of the subversive Mr. elephant, the ugly donkey and one upstart politician.

/    /   /   

2 comments:

  1. I love the monikers you use they are hilarious, very engaging and dramatic, love the chaos and the excitement of the chase

    ReplyDelete
  2. swill bank account...ha....yeh show me the money first...they took the whole town...camel dung....ha

    happy saturday

    ReplyDelete