Battle of the sexes - Spooning

file under the heading of "no big  deal"

I have been married somewhere around 39 years. My wife might say 38 or 40 but never 39, as long as I said 39. That's the way it is with long term marriages.  We have to disagree about somethings and since we get along and agree about most things (except politics) we usually disagree about what happen when or to whom.

Of course there are little things that men and women will always disagree about and when one of those "little things" pops into my life, I tend to write a little something about it.

I call this little episode...SPOONING

You will have to read it to see if there is any logic in my words..

The Battle of the sexes - Spooning

We all know about it…"it" being the battle…the battle that has been fought since the day that Adam removed his rib and didn't barbecue it.  

He gave it to God to make “woman” and then the fight began.

“Why did you have to bring that Damn snake home?”

“Why did you serve that fruit for dinner?  Now look what you've done.”

“Me...what about you?…you didn't have to eat it.  You don’t have any willpower.  You've never had any willpower.”

And so on…down though the ages…man…woman…goggle-eyed…lovey-dovey…the children…the battles…the lucky couples…the mature couples…the couples that grow together and stay together…keep their battles to a minimum…maybe battles that are only spats…spattles (I call them)…small teeny-weeny differences of opinions.

Man has come to realize that woman usually gets the last word and in her mind she wins.  In man’s mind, he gives in to keep his peace…each is correct.  

Man is never wrong, but he is wise.  He knows that if he keeps the spat alive, that lousy snake from the garden will sneak in the back door and steal his private fruit.

But, once in a while…once in a great while…man wins…it may be only in silence, but he wins…and if he is smart…he gloats in silence.

One particular small “spattle” in my man-woman marriage (that needs to be defined these days) is about dish washing.

Not dish washing the old fashioned way way…”you wash, I’ll dry” but in the new fashioned way…”how do you put the dishes and the silverware in the “Dishwasher”?

There are numerous spattles waiting just over the dishes and the pots and pans, but when the silverware gets tossed in, it can really get serious.

Are they sorted…does each knife, fork and spoon go in the same slot,

or…are they just tossed in whatever slot is available?

Naturally, I…I being man…favor the “willy-nilly” approach…the…”any old port in a storm” approach.  However, I have logical reasoning on my side.

My logic…”the book says not to put them in the same slot because they will nest together and will not get clean.

Naturally, woman also claims “logical reasoning”.

Her logic…”I don’t care what the book says, I put them away and if they are in the same slot, it is easier for me.”

Grumble…grumble…grumble…that’s man…me…defying woman…refusing to give into false logic…I use that one a lot…it makes me feel superior…silently superior.

Over the years the spattle has silently gone on and when we combined homes with her mother the spattle was changed from a spattle between man and woman-wife to a spattle between man and woman (mother-in-law).

The jobs or rather, the “household duties” are divided.  Woman-wife cooks, man-husband does dishes, and woman-mother-in-law puts dishes away.

Naturally, mother-in-law’s logic is the same as wife’s logic and the “silverware” must be separated so it is easier for her to put away.

Naturally, man-husband has not changed and will be damned before he lets a woman-(mother-in-law) control his life.

Man continues to “willy-nilly” the silverware.

Woman,  (mother-in-law)… escalates the spattle to an almost a battle.  But man, being ever so virile and strong, does not give in.  Man holds his ground.

Naturally, old woman complains to young woman that man…me…is a jerk.

Young woman agrees…I agree…I am happy…I am a happy jerk…I…man…have stood on the mountain and fought the spattle for all mankind.  I refused to cow-tow to the likes of woman and old woman,

However, life changes…old woman (mother-in-law) is not feeling so good, so woman-wife now does the “putting the dishes away” task.

Man-me, softens…man gives in…silently…and…let “the drum roll begin”…separates the silverware and slots them in perfect nesting position…spoons, forks, knives... hugging each other as if they were making love.

Man, being old, wants to be helpful (finally) and what is man’s reward…VICTORY…yes…

V-I-C-T-O-R-Y…because woman comes to man and tells man that…”if the knives, forks and spoons are nestled together they will not get clean.”

Man…me, silently gloats…yes…yes…yes…I was right…I am right…I am man..I am logic.

Woman…her…well, I wasn't dumb enough to ask her why she changed her mind…because I know that whatever other laws there are in the universe…woman-daughter will never agree with woman-mother, and…well man…man is just a problem to be reckoned with.

gs batty/June 2013
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