Battle of the sexes - Spooning

file under the heading of "no big  deal"

I have been married somewhere around 39 years. My wife might say 38 or 40 but never 39, as long as I said 39. That's the way it is with long term marriages.  We have to disagree about somethings and since we get along and agree about most things (except politics) we usually disagree about what happen when or to whom.

Of course there are little things that men and women will always disagree about and when one of those "little things" pops into my life, I tend to write a little something about it.

I call this little episode...SPOONING

You will have to read it to see if there is any logic in my words..

The Battle of the sexes - Spooning

We all know about it…"it" being the battle…the battle that has been fought since the day that Adam removed his rib and didn't barbecue it.  

He gave it to God to make “woman” and then the fight began.

“Why did you have to bring that Damn snake home?”

“Why did you serve that fruit for dinner?  Now look what you've done.”

“Me...what about you?…you didn't have to eat it.  You don’t have any willpower.  You've never had any willpower.”

And so on…down though the ages…man…woman…goggle-eyed…lovey-dovey…the children…the battles…the lucky couples…the mature couples…the couples that grow together and stay together…keep their battles to a minimum…maybe battles that are only spats…spattles (I call them)…small teeny-weeny differences of opinions.

Man has come to realize that woman usually gets the last word and in her mind she wins.  In man’s mind, he gives in to keep his peace…each is correct.  

Man is never wrong, but he is wise.  He knows that if he keeps the spat alive, that lousy snake from the garden will sneak in the back door and steal his private fruit.

But, once in a while…once in a great while…man wins…it may be only in silence, but he wins…and if he is smart…he gloats in silence.

One particular small “spattle” in my man-woman marriage (that needs to be defined these days) is about dish washing.

Not dish washing the old fashioned way way…”you wash, I’ll dry” but in the new fashioned way…”how do you put the dishes and the silverware in the “Dishwasher”?

There are numerous spattles waiting just over the dishes and the pots and pans, but when the silverware gets tossed in, it can really get serious.

Are they sorted…does each knife, fork and spoon go in the same slot,

or…are they just tossed in whatever slot is available?

Naturally, I…I being man…favor the “willy-nilly” approach…the…”any old port in a storm” approach.  However, I have logical reasoning on my side.

My logic…”the book says not to put them in the same slot because they will nest together and will not get clean.

Naturally, woman also claims “logical reasoning”.

Her logic…”I don’t care what the book says, I put them away and if they are in the same slot, it is easier for me.”

Grumble…grumble…grumble…that’s man…me…defying woman…refusing to give into false logic…I use that one a lot…it makes me feel superior…silently superior.

Over the years the spattle has silently gone on and when we combined homes with her mother the spattle was changed from a spattle between man and woman-wife to a spattle between man and woman (mother-in-law).

The jobs or rather, the “household duties” are divided.  Woman-wife cooks, man-husband does dishes, and woman-mother-in-law puts dishes away.

Naturally, mother-in-law’s logic is the same as wife’s logic and the “silverware” must be separated so it is easier for her to put away.

Naturally, man-husband has not changed and will be damned before he lets a woman-(mother-in-law) control his life.

Man continues to “willy-nilly” the silverware.

Woman,  (mother-in-law)… escalates the spattle to an almost a battle.  But man, being ever so virile and strong, does not give in.  Man holds his ground.

Naturally, old woman complains to young woman that man…me…is a jerk.

Young woman agrees…I agree…I am happy…I am a happy jerk…I…man…have stood on the mountain and fought the spattle for all mankind.  I refused to cow-tow to the likes of woman and old woman,

However, life changes…old woman (mother-in-law) is not feeling so good, so woman-wife now does the “putting the dishes away” task.

Man-me, softens…man gives in…silently…and…let “the drum roll begin”…separates the silverware and slots them in perfect nesting position…spoons, forks, knives... hugging each other as if they were making love.

Man, being old, wants to be helpful (finally) and what is man’s reward…VICTORY…yes…
V-I-C-T-O-R-Y…because woman comes to man and tells man that…”if the knives, forks and spoons are nestled together they will not get clean.”

Man…me, silently gloats…yes…yes…yes…I was right…I am right…I am man..I am logic.

Woman…her…well, I wasn't dumb enough to ask her why she changed her mind…because I know that whatever other laws there are in the universe…woman-daughter will never agree with woman-mother, and…well man…man is just a problem to be reckoned with.

gs batty/June 2013
                                                                                                           for - "Two Shoes in Texas"


  1. took out a rib and did not grill caught me early on in this long as you are a happy jerk as it is a that we will never win, just man we are a problem, at times...smiles.

    1. thanks Brian...we "men" need to stick together and grill the ribs

  2. AnonymousJune 23, 2013

    This is so amusing and charming! Sometimes I think I might be the man hubbie is positively psychotic OCD over the dishwasher lol He cooks I do the dishes when he's not looking so he doesn't freak out. I am very sneaky cleaner the moment he goes off I am cleaning so he won't bother me about the how. I am like a ninja :-P

    1. Ahhh...the spoon battle in it...but not matter who fulfills what role in a is important to keep the battles down to spattles...I try to ninja every now and them but my woman has an anti-ninja device wired into the back of her brain.
      thanks for the comment and the visit.

    2. AnonymousJune 23, 2013

      An anti-ninja device she is a crafty one lol I am not very much for drama and battles myself but I admit to be grumpy haha

  3. Love funny and relate-able!

    1. thanks Melanie..I believe little spats like this dance in and out of all relationships

  4. gives in woman wins, and on and on it goes. lol Great look at the age old differences since the snake first crawled into a garden and man fusses, "It's all her fault." :)

    1. Thanks Susie
      I appreciate the visit and the comment

  5. How I loved this GS! This tale, or variations of it, has played out in every marriage, probably since the beginning of time. Isn't it funny how much time and debate can be spent on the proper way to load the dishes, fold the towels, or hang the toilet paper on the roll? Papa Bear would tell you, and often gives this advice to newly married men, that the best way to handle things is to say "I'm sorry" the first thing you wake up every morning, that way you are covered for all transgressions, known and unknown, that you might make that day! ;-) Seriously, it isn't about being right or wrong or winning the battle, as you have obviously learned over the years, sometimes the peaceful route is to keep one's mouth shut and go with the flow.. but yes, you were right about the silverware, I agree! :-)) Thank you for a delightful contribution to Two Shoes Tuesday, starting my morning off with a light heart. Wishing you many more happy years together!

    1. thanks Josie..those that have not bothered to make a marriage last do not know what they are missing. No is always right or wrong ans sometimes the best avenue is one of comedy. Hope I have achieved that.

  6. Yes, variations of this play out in relationships all over the world, generation after generation. Of course, the keys are compromise and choosing your battles. We have been together 36 years, married 32. It doesn't just happen, but it is certainly worth it!

    1. congrats on your long marriage...takes a lot of forgiving and understanding by the man and the woman to make it last. In my case ...more by my wife than me.

  7. I really enjoyed your humor in this story. Your wife is a lucky woman. You can tell her that...but she won't believe you. Sorry, that's the way it goes. But you already knew that!

    1. I think it's like the stock market. When I'm good she's like a cuddly teddy bear and when I'm bad she's like a raging bull. But then I put up with her changing moods for quite a few years so she understands. We both feel we are very lucky ..sort of like hitting life's jack pot.

    2. thanks for dropping in and may the cats have a lot of happy mobile miles.

  8. Bwahahahahahaha. I think you and my husband would get along fine. Yes you would. Bwahahahahahahaha.

    Have a terrific day. ☺

    1. thanks Sandee..I'm sure we would...I love that laugh...much better than lol...maybe you could get a movement going...I will join you BALOL...bloggers against lol...Bwaha...
      have a great day...