Born not to be

Continually running through the back of my brain (like a non-stop loop on a TV news program) is the religious training that I received as a child. The name of the religion matters not except to say it is one of the Christian faiths.

The population of county that I was raised in was only a wee bit shy of being 100% of that faith. I had no other teachings of religion, except that there were other religions but they were all wrong. Naturally.  those that did not convert to the "true religion" were destined for hell.

Sometime in  my teens years I began to question and the answer  was always, "you must have faith".
But somehow I was unable to find the "faith".

I would ask questions like, "If there is a Chinese man living in China that has lived a perfect life and could walk next to Jesus with no shame, will he go to hell?"

"Yes, unless he converts to us," was always the answer.

I have never been able to accept that and therefor, I have never been able to really accept the religion I grew up in.  Also, I have discovered that other religions have the same beliefs.  I am not saying that all of them do because I do not know that for a fact.

The stigma for me is that my brain has been branded as if with a hot iron and I cannot totally reject what I was taught as a child so finding another religion would not solve my problem. I am not confused about the god I believe in and I think he and I have a pretty good relationship.

Please, I would ask of anyone reading this not to think I am defiling anyone else's religion. We all have to choose and walk in the path that suits us best. I have found mine and I am happy.


  1. AnonymousMay 12, 2013

    This is wonderful a perfect example of stigma. I am from a small Southern town and was not of the same faith as the majority. I was very fortunate not to receive much personal discrimination even though I knew others who did. I am not even of the same faith as my family and growing up my grandmother was a devout Catholic but my family never criticized my beliefs either and listened to mine openly. I have to say that is one thing my mom did well accepting me, she actually asks me for advice all the time. She calls me her Buddhist Priest ;-P I went to a Pentecostal Church as a kid not with my parents because they were not Pentecostal but my mom sent because they fed me and we were poor, they were very nice actually and never bothered me about not following the rules. I never had dresses for example because I was too poor to afford them, they gave me winter clothes too. I am really sorry you went through the ugly side =( This is really fantastic writing. I am so glad you were able to participate I have been worried about your vertigo.

    1. thanks M
      The stigma of religion affects a lot of people. Religion, the belief in a god is good but some have used it to benefit themselves and dominate others.
      I am lucky with the has slowly gone away and now I'm only a little light headed and I have to be careful of where I step.

    2. AnonymousMay 13, 2013

      I am so glad to hear its starting to clear up, my husband sometimes get subluxatons in his spine that results in periods of vertigo.

  2. ugh i hear you man...i grew up in the fire and brimstone baptist faith....and escaped when it turned on my around 16 but the betrayal i felt at that time has been something i carried around with me and became an impediment to really understanding the spiritual over the religeon...

    1. Thanks for taking a minute to read my short complaint. I have often wondered if I could sue for taking away my capacity to enjoy a friendship with God.

  3. AnonymousMay 13, 2013's my people! I grew up Baptist and yes, anyone who is "other" cannot possibly be saved. I could rant and rave but for now, fully other, I will content myself with knowing you all.

  4. This is familiar to me.

    I too questioned my faith - very similar questions to yours - and never received an (at least) adequate or meaningful response.

    I walk a happy and faithless path, oddly following the non-God ?driven commandments (of the Ten) as a belief system...

    Anna :o]

    PS second attempt to leave a comment - so the other - which flew off into cyberspace - might turn up too.