Flashback - When I was nine

I was introduced to death when I was just a boy by my two year old neighbor, Timmy. Timmy was a strapping tow head toddler with lots of curiosity. I am sure Timmy never intended for me to see death at the age of nine. I can still remember Timmy running around his back yard, his blue eyes sparkling in the sun. He would laugh and giggle with his dad in chase, pretending not to catch him and then grabbing him up with a big tickle and a rub on his chubby belly with whiskered chin. No daddy, no Timmy would giggle and then ask for more.


Then one hot summer day when Timmy's dad was away Timmy could not be found. We all looked and yelled and checked all the neighbor's yards and houses. Have you seen Timmy? Timmy's missing everyone would say and another neighbor helped to look that day. Timmy's dad came home and the police were called and they all searched all over again.

Timmy's dad was scared and Timmy's mom was frantic and then someone, I can't remember who, found little Timmy Roebuck floating in the irrigation ditch behind my home. I was there when they pulled him out all wet and blue. The ambulance came and they tried to make him breathe and then my mom was crying and said. "Timmy is dead". I didn't understand death and I wasn't sure what it meant but I cried too. Timmy's gone to live with God they said.

They put Timmy's tiny body in a tiny casket in the house next to mine. My mom asked me if I wanted to say goodbye to Timmy and I was afraid to say no. We walked next door hand in hand. Timmy's dad was stern and Timmy's mom was crying.

My mom walked across the room to say goodbye but I was afraid to follow because I did not know what I would see. My mom said, "Come on and say goodbye."

Timmy's dad said, "Yes please, Timmy would like that."

I edged across the hard wood floor and I shut my eyes and did not want to look but my mom said, "Open your eyes and say goodbye, it will be alright." I opened my eyes and looked at Timmy. He lay quiet and  he looked peaceful and he looked alright. I did not know what to say so I stared at him and then reached to feel his hair. It was blond and soft and felt alright so I put my hand on his chubby cheek to feel his skin.

But Timmy's cheek wasn't soft and warm and didn't feel alright.

It was cold and hard and felt like stone. Timmy startled my fingers and etched my mind when he introduced me to the stone cold feel of death when I was only nine.

13 comments:

  1. wow is that true? what a painful intorduction to death.

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  2. Unfortunately, very true Alice

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  3. Oh my goodness - what an experience. I was hoping to find it was fiction, but I've just read your comment above.

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  4. In August I pulled a little girl from a wave pool. She was unconscious, not breathing, completely blue, and--I thought--completely dead. Even though they were able to revive her, I'll never forget how she looked. Flashbacks like that never go away. I'm sorry you had to see it. Then again, I'm sorry for the fact we are mortal. Such pain on earth.

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  5. This is such a vivid and well written piece of writing.

    ... But oh dear, I do feel for you.

    My Sunday Scribblings

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  6. Thanks for sharing that vivid, unfortunate experience. I assumed from the beginning that it was true. (Susannah, I just now realized that you had already said "vivid.")

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  7. What a terrible Flashback to experienc. Hugs to you.

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  8. What a way to learn, so sad and innocent. I remember the first dead person I saw, I was a child too. We drove past a car accident and there was a perfectly beautiful little girl hanging upside down out the door of the car. Seeing human death is so much more shocking than another type of animal.

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  9. This is a stunning account of a child thrust into the reality of life and death. Wonderful writing.

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  10. VERY well written. Loved the writing, but the content was hard to read. I can't imagine how hard it was for you to live it.

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  11. Touching piece OldGrizz - too young in many ways but also Timmy was 'fine'. Something keeps us safe after. Having been a nurse many moons ago I will never forget the 'feel' of death. It is truly unlike anything else..thanks for your visit..Jae

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  12. I started reading and part of me wanted to stop and part knew I had to finish. So terrible when death comes to a child, for the parents, for the loss of all the what might have been, should have been...

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  13. Welcome To link in a poem to our potluck today, thanks a ton!
    http://jinglepoetry.blogspot.com/2010/10/poetry-potluck-seven-deadly-sins.html


    hope to see you in,
    you could use an old poem.

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