The devil and I

Sometimes when we have a great desire to go to a special place or do something we think would be special, we get ourselves into a great deal of trouble or at least the experience does not turn out the way we had hoped. I once tried to improve my writing by going to a writing work shop . I signed up for the following class. Writing 666 "Rhetoric" On the first day the wily old horned goat said to me, "Why are you here?" I replied, "I want to learn how to write. I want to be a great writer". Good, he said, "show me some of your...... Allusion, Alliteration, Amplification, Anacoluthon, Anadiplosis, and Analogy" Damn, I relied, I did not come here to learn magic, I want to be a writer. OK, he said as he got a little redder in the face, " Show me some..... Anaphora, Antanagoge, Antimetabole, Antiphrasis, Antithesis, and Apophasis" I replied. "I do not like scrabble, I only want to write." His eyes bulged and his voice got louder as he said , "Yes but I need to see something in Aporoia, Aposiopesis, Apostrophe, Appositive, Assonance, and Asendeton" Trivia is a game for nerds, I replied. I am serious about writing. His eyes got bigger, his horns grew longer but he took a deep breath and said, "If you are really serious at least demonstrate Catachresis, Chiasmus, Climax, Conduplicatio, Diacope, and Dirimens Copulatio" Now my eyes got bigger and my face grew red, Damn I said, "I may be able to do something with Climax and Copulatio, they both sound familiar." I thought he was going to choke on his tongue. He spat back at me, "Do not be crude, to write you need be able to Distinctio, Enthymeme, Enumeratio, Epanalepsis, Epistrophe, and Epithet" Cowering, I replied "But these, whatever they are, are not even in spell check "Spell Check?, he spewed, screw spell check. I am not teaching spell check, I am teaching Rhetoric. If you want to write your readers must hear Epizeuxis, Eponym, Exemplum, Expletive, Hyperbaton, and Hyperbole Don't be crude, I whimpered, I just want to write simple prose without using foul language. His tongue forked out at me and his mouth spewed fire, "Yes, but to write Prose, even simply, you must use Hypophora, Hypotaxis, Litotes, Metabasis, Metanioia,and Metaphor" OK, I replied "I know metaphor. I'll Metaphor." Now he was really mad. "Are you a total idiot, a complete moron"? "That is to simple. Good writing requires Metonymy, Onomatopoeia, Oxymoron, Parallelism, Parataxis, and Personification." I felt better, I finally recognized some of the words he was using, I said with a deep sigh of relief, "Now were getting somewhere. I can Personify an Oxymoron Parallelism and California has taught me a lot about Parataxis" He drooled and he blubbered as he said, "Do not be trite. In this class we require Paranthesis, Pleonasm, Polesyndeton, Procatalepsis, Rhetorical Question, and Scesis Onomation." Now I was totally lost and I got smart with him. "Now you are getting trite", I sassed. "you cannot be serious...Scesis Onomation? Your are, of course, joking. He nearly choked on his tongue as he gurgled, "Do not get smart with me you little imp. If you want me to help you, come up with some Sententia, Simile, Simploce, Synecdoche, Understatement, and Zeugma." I was really frustrated and I said, "I've got a great Understatement for you" "Good," he said, "let me hear it." I picked up my journal and said very quietly, "You can take your class and your rhetoric and go straight back down to hell." "The devil made me do it"

17 comments:

  1. Loved it, loved it! Very creative way to make a statement that I support 100%, writing isn't a skill that we learn in class, it's something that is found within us.

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  2. As I'm someone who's never attended a writing class or read a 'how to' book, I thought that was brilliant :-)
    Very well done.

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  3. I'm sorry Grizz, I'm a two word speller and ET is in my vocabulary. I et my biscuit today, sure tasted good.

    Your creativity of this piece is stellar. Loved it

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  4. Why haven't I discovered your blogs before this? You certainly don't need a writing class. Your writing is classy enough!

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  5. hey old grizz, this was a brilliant write...
    hmmm who says u require a class???

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  6. Teachers teach - and learn most from their students...

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  7. Lol I nearly fell of my chair. He probably just wanted a dictionary He might be dyslexic
    You are a great writer Old griz

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  8. Hi Sophie - thanks, actually I do take a writing class but we never discuss context, Just content. The instructor is always positive and I always leave the class feeling like Hemingway.

    Anthony...getting a brilliant from you is great.

    Missy..that's why spell check is my dear friend

    Stan Ski...well said



    songof sea...thanks your comments are appreciated



    Granny Smith...I have enjoyed your blog for a while now, It is an honor to have you visit

    Marja..thanks for seeing the humor

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  9. Excellent piece - good for a laugh and a moan followed by a head shake. Whatever could that devil been thinking? :) Fine write!

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  10. thanks tumblewords, Old Grizz is always ready to pour the tea when you drop in

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  11. I am in love with this piece. It is funny and critical and so well written. Thank you so much for sharing. You are lucky to have a teacher who makes you feel like Hemingway. I usually leave my classes feeling like James Frey after Oprah pointed out his fraudulence.

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  12. Hi, Old Grizz. You came by my first Sunday Scribbles and I wanted to see your writing.

    This was so funny and truthful! I need to get a little bit of your confidence. I attended a writer's conference and was so overwhelmed.

    Ok, off to see your Sunday Scribbles. Boy, I loved this!

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  13. thanks lacy..I think I am very lucky to have found the teacher I did. She is truly awesome. If you are interested in reading her writing, she just started blogging and has some great articles. You will find her at
    http://purplesagepost.blogspot.com/
    writing can be scary but I always go back to what Amy told us "it is your story. No one else knows it, no one else can write it" "If you don't write it, Who will?

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  14. aspiemom.. I smiled when I read about your being nervous returning to the school system. I did something similar at the age of 30 and was afraid I wouldn't be able to compete. I was just fine and like I told you, I was focused and had a great desire to be there. A world of difference from the first time I tried at 18. party time, flunk time.
    writers conferences are scary..I have been afraid to try one..maybe next year.

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  15. Absolutely priceless. I wouldn't fancy doing assignments for that writing class. LOL.

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  16. G'Day Grizz, I don't know what those words mean nor am I going to look them up but they sound good. He he.

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  17. You kicked some devil butt Grizz. This was awesome. It would take me hours just to google some of that!

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