Hey Noah - Answer this one!
I need to begin this article with two disclaimers. First, my question is in no way meant to be demeaning to anyone's religion or religious beliefs. Second, this article was written by my new alter ego, "Old Grizz Batty" and in no way reflects on GS Batty-Baity or SG Beatty. In fact they were asleep when "Old Grizz" wrote this article. If I could ask someone from my past a question that has always bothered me, it would be my Grandpa Noah. I'm talking about my grandpa Noah from the Ark days. That's right, the Noah that built the Ark and saved all the animals. I have always had one question that has bugged me. No, it's not the size of the Ark. I do not question nor care what a cubit is. I believe Noah made the Ark and did not sub out the project to a Jewish boat builder. No, It's not the logistics of the trip. I believe God and Noah could have easily figured out how to feed all those animals for forty days and forty nights. No, I do not have an issue of how all the animals got there. I believe God can Poof anything, anywhere, anytime he wants to. Yes there is a question of waste. How did they get rid of the stuff that came out the back end? How many people on that Ark? Who got stuck with picking up the poop? I have three dogs and can barely clean up after them every day. But, that isn't my question. What I would really like to ask Noah about is the selection if the animals. One specie in particular. No, it's not about the rats or the mosquitoes. Yes, they are pesky, ugly, nasty critters, but I believe they have an important place in God's plan. They are the punishers, the plague carriers, the purveyors of petulance. I know that when you are pushing the envelope of sin hood, the Rats and the Mosquitoes are sent to wake you up. Whenever, one of those creature show up, I know I am getting close to making God mad and it doesn't take me long to get back on the right track. NO, no , no, the Snakes and the Desert crawly thing are cool. No big deal to me. And the rest of Gods nasty creatures are good with me. Well maybe the Komodo Dragon? I do have to wonder about that one. The critters that bug me are bugs. Specifically, the teeny-weeny, drive you nuts little beasts that the Indians called "No-See-Ems". The Gnats, those treacherous little devils that swarm into your eyes, ears, mouth and nose when your camping in your own particular garden of Eden, are really what bug me. Now, I am not trying to be blasphemous. I know your are not supposed to Question God. However, I really have a question for God and Noah is my last known relative that talked to God. I would like to ask Noah to ask God why he created the invisible little monsters in the first place. Also, why, after actually seeing the havoc they caused in the Garden did he let them on the boat? Didn't he realize that two "No-See-Ems" can have a court-ship, a wedding, a honeymoon and 50 billion Grand-No-See-Ems in less than a day. The Ark must have been an awful hell hole. No pun intended. What really bugs me (pun intended) is the fact that these non-edenylic little thugs are lurking behind every Edenic or Idyllic picture that has ever been photographed or painted. If you could dive into the picture, you would immediately be covered by the black little devils and you would come leaping back into the real world, never to enjoy the serenity of a lifeless picture again. OK, Noah. Here's the question, "Would you ask God what is the purpose of these little tormentors, anyway?" Old Grizz Batty
Posted by George S Batty