My Favorite Chair

My birthday is not my favorite day of the year. I don't dread getting older. In fact, I really enjoy getting older because it means I haven't let the grim reaper haul me away.

It's not my favorite day because of the gifts I get and it seems like the longer I live the more my family thinks I need gifts to prove their love for me. Also, the longer I live, the dumber the gifts keep getting. I get ties that I never wear, pajamas that I never wear and gift cards from Starbucks that I never use.  If you're on the back side of sixty I'm sure you know the routine.

Well, this year they outdid themselves. While my wife and I went out to a quiet breakfast to fortify ourselves for the afternoon onslaught of children, grandchildren and great grandchildren, my sons removed my favorite chair and replaced it with the "latest thing" in personal comfort.

When we returned from breakfast, the entire family was waiting with happy expectant grins wrapped around their faces. A sea of white teeth spewed out the traditional "surprise". Then my daughters blindfolded me and led me to the back of my house and into my personal man cave.

Everyone crowded into the room and the girls removed my blindfold revealing a brand new black recliner made of some kind of material I had never heard of. According to them, it was supposed to do everything but cook my breakfast. I really wasn't surprised. My wife had been nagging me for the last couple of years to get rid of my old eyesore and get something that was more comfortable. However, we both knew it wasn't my comfort that she was thinking about. It was her desire to have furniture that didn't have to hide from our friends.

I was trapped because of my life long lectures to my children on accepting gifts which included a smile and a thank you to the gifter. So, with a smile on my face and a "I hate the damned thing" in my mind, I thanked my family for their thoughtful gift.

When the family left, my wife asked me if I liked it, even though she knew I didn't. However, she knew I was stuck. I had to say yes and thank her and hug her and sit in it and say how comfortable it was.

It wasn't comfortable. Comfort means to relax and let your muscles turn to jelly and your mind go numb and the chair and your wife not say nasty things to you because you spill your coffee or get food stains on it. That was my old chair. It didn't give a damn what I did to it. It was like a faithful dog, always ready to comfort me no matter how many times I left it out in the rain.

Oh well, I'll have to slowly break it in. I'll house train like a new puppy. I'll start by giving it a name. I think I'll call it Lo-Jack and then my wife can send it to fetch me when I'm sneaking a snort from my stash hidden in the wood pile. Maybe it'll get caught in the rain and become a real chair.
gs batty/2.17.2015

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  1. This is quite a story. We named our recliner the "Nest". As in, Dad's in the nest, don't bother him. Or daughter is doing her homework in the nest. I hope the chair absorbs some of the love that was involved in the giving of the gift.. It takes time to love some really good things.

  2. This is a hilarious post Old Grizz. I try to put the message out that the best gifts are consumables not more clutter. I haven't even got much room for more books...which is a pity.

  3. GS! How happy I was to see your link pop up for Two Shoes Tuesday! Welcome back! As one who is now past the 60 mark, I had to chuckle about this story. We both know that the truth is the older we get the less we desire more fancy "stuff" to care for. The old, tried and true is great. But yes, we appreciate the love our families put into celebrating our birthdays and choosing gifts with love. I also celebrate another year survived! However for Christmas I bought Papa Bear a loveseat with a console between the seats that holds our beverage cups/glasses and has a storage compartment that even has a USP port for charging up our electronic toys! Papa Bear helped me choose it and I've gotta say we love it, especially the electric push-bottom foot rests, no clumsy levers or handles, no kicking it to put it back in place when you get up! Still, we kept the old one for company and the forbids have adopted it as their napping spot of choice. I'm betting that in time you'll come to like your new chair, once you get it broken in a bit, add a few scuffs and spills, and a dent in the cushion where you sit. In five years it will be your new favorite old chair! :-)

  4. I am also north of the big six-o, but happily I have not thus far been subjected to having unnecessary or unusable gifts showered upon me. Let's think? Last time I got whisky, wine, whisky, whisky, wine and a packet of chocolate biscuits. Perfect!

  5. This is a beautiful, and interesting story.

    I've never thought of 'house training' a chair...

  6. If no one got new furniture peeps like me would be homeless. Give it time and the chair will conform to your contours and be comfy...or you could have a few swigs out by the woodpile before settling in.