When I am looking for
a place to be with only me, there is a place where I can go. It is a place that I call the elephant
tree. It’s down the way a piece beyond
the pasture and by a stream. I walk
there to think and soak my feet. I
sometimes feel that the cool water filtering between my toes is where my mind
goes to seek the words that I use to create the stories I write.
It was not too long
ago that I stopped to cool my feet when I heard a voice above me.
“Ahem” I heard someone
say. I looked, but I could not see
anyone. “Ahem” the voice said
again. “That certainly is not perfume I
smell. In fact I smell a smell that is awfully
stale.” I looked again but still there was
no one to see.
“I’m sorry” I
said. “I thought I was alone. Where are you?”
“Up here,” the voice
said. “Above you.”
I looked up to see who
that was above me. I coughed and
sputtered, snorted and gagged because I could not believe who I could see in
the tree above me. Not a word did I say
so the voice in the tree above me said, “What is wrong? Have you never seen an elephant in a tree?”
“Of course not,” I
replied. Elephants do not belong in
trees and are never seen in trees”
“Certainly you cannot climb a tree.”
“How did you get in the tree,” I asked?
“I put myself here,”
he replied.
“How so,” I said. “I cannot believe that you could put yourself
in a tree.” “But, if you did, why would
an elephant want to be in a tree?”
“I did put myself in this tree and I did so
to hide from the little boy that lives over that way,” the elephant replied
indignantly pointing through the trees with his trunk.
Then I heard a tiny
young voice echoing through the woods, “Oh, Mr. Elephant, where are you?”
“Shush” the elephant
said.
I put my shoes and
socks back on my stinky feet and left the two friends to finish their game of
hide and seek.
I walked back toward
the place I called home. I came across another
part of the little stream and decided that I still needed to soak my weary
feet. I sat on a rock and looked into
the tree above just to make sure there wasn’t another elephant in a tree. I removed my shoes and socks and placed my
weary tired feet into the cool water and sat and thought about the elephant in
the tree.
No, I thought, you
didn’t see an elephant in a tree and I convinced myself that was in fact
true. I could not have seen an elephant
in a tree. I was just tired. I must have fallen asleep and was dreaming.
As I relaxed and my
feet began to feel better and then I heard the little boy’s voice again.
“Oh, mister elephant,
where are you?’
Oh, no, I thought. Maybe I wasn’t dreaming.
I listened to his
searching voice hoping he would go into another direction. But his voice got closer and stronger.
“Oh mister Elephant,
where are you?”
Then he was upon me and gasped in his surprise
to see me dangling my bare feet in the running water.
He paused for a moment
and then decided it was okay to speak to me.
I am sure he thought I could be of no harm to him with my bare feet dangling
in the water.
“Have you seen an
elephant?” he asked.
“As a matter of fact I
have,” I replied
“Could you tell me
where he is?” he said
“I am not sure if I
should,” I answered.
“Why not?” He demanded.
“It is important that I find him”
“I sort of promised
mister elephant that I would keep his secret,” I replied.
He came closer and
said in a soft low voice, “If you tell me where he is, I won’t tell him that
you told me.”
“That wouldn’t be
honest,” I answered.
Well, maybe not, but I
have to find him and I have looked everywhere,” he said.
“I am very sure you
haven’t looked everywhere,” I said.
“Have you looked under the rocks, or in the bottom of the brook or even
in the trees?”
“That’s stupid,” he
laughed. “I know you’re teasing me
because an elephant is too big to hide under a rock and an elephant is too big
to hide in a small stream and an elephant cannot climb a tree.”
“Maybe and maybe not,”
I replied. “He could be a magic
elephant. Maybe he used his big ears and
flew up into a tree.”
He paused for a few
seconds and then he took his shoes and socks off and dangled his feet in the
water about 10 feet from where I was dangling me feet in the water.
“My mother told me
never to get to close to strangers,” he said.
Do you suppose this is far enough away?
I am not to close, am I?”
“No,” I smiled. “I am pretty sure you’re safe where you are.”
He was thoughtful for
a few moments and the said, “I never considered an elephant flying with his ears. Do you really think they can do that?”
“It’s possible,” I
said. “Elephants are not supposed to
talk either, but mister elephant talked to me.”
His eyes got wider,
“Really, what did he say?”
“He doesn’t like my
stinky feet.”
“Is that why you’re
washing them?”
“No, they were sore,
but they feel better now.”
“If you will tell me
where he is I will give you half of my peanut butter and jelly sandwich.”
“Do you have any
potato chips”?
“No, but I have two
Oreo Cookies. I will give you one of
those.”
I decided I had teased
him long enough so we struck the bargain for the cookie and we went back down
the path to find mister elephant in the tree.
“Is he really in a
tree?” the boy asked. “How did he get in
a tree?”
“Yes,” I
answered. “He told me he put himself in
the tree.”
“Oh,” was all the boy
could say.
The boy and I walked
side by looking for the tree with mister elephant. When we arrived at the
elephant tree, mister elephant said, “Oh it’s you mister stinky feet. I guess now I will have to call you mister
squealer with the stinky feet.”
“I guess that’s
true," i said. "I did show the boy where you were,
but he was very worried about you.”
“He sold you out for a
cookie,” the boy chirped in.
“Figures”, mister
elephant said. “He’s probably some kind
of politician.”
"Hey elephant,” a
strange voice said. “What are you doing
in a tree?”
“Oh, hello donkey,”
mister elephant said. “I’m hiding from
the boy.”
“It looks like he
found you,” donkey said.
“No he didn’t,” mister
elephant answered. “The man with the
stinky feet sold me out for a cookie.”
“He must be a
politician,” donkey said
“I am not a
politician. I was just concerned for the
boy.”
“You’re it mister
elephant,” the boy said. “It’s my turn
to hide. You count to one hundred while
I hide.”
“I can’t,” mister
elephant said.
“You can’t count to
one hundred mister elephant“, the boy and the donkey said in unison.
“Don’t be ridiculous,
I can count to one hundred,” mister elephant said with disdain. “But, I cannot
get myself out of the tree.”
“Why not?” I asked.
“You put yourself in the tree so you should be able to get yourself out
of the tree.”
“That is not
necessarily true,” mister elephant replied.
“Just because I was able to put myself in a tree doesn’t mean that I can
put myself out of the tree. Cats do it
all the time.”
“This is not good,”
the donkey said.
“Let’s call the fire
department,” the boy said.
“No,” both the donkey
and mister elephant yelled in unison.
“Why not?” the boy
asked.
The donkey said, “It’s
because of the press.”
“What does ‘the press’
mean?” the boy said.
“The press is the
newspapers and the TV news,” I answered.
“Are they bad?” he
asked.
“No, they are not
bad,” mister elephant said. “But, they
will tell the world about me in this tree and donkey on the ground and then
someone will say donkey put me in the tree because I represent the
Republicans.”
“And then someone else
will say it’s not fair for mister elephant to be higher up than me,” donkey
said. “Then someone will put me in a
tree.”
“Then,” mister
elephant said, “They will put me higher up the tree until the branches won’t
hold me anymore and they will break and I will fall out of the tree. Then someone will blame donkey because he
represents the Democrats. I would rather
stay in the tree.”
“What are we going to
do?” the boy said
“I’m hungry,” mister
elephant said. “And I’m thirsty.”
“You can have my
peanut butter and jelly sandwich and Oreo cookie,” the boy said.
“I ate my Oreo
cookie,” I added. “But, I’ll get you a
hat full of water.”
“Great,” mister
elephant said. “A baseball hat full of
water, an Oreo cookie and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich are not what I
would call a gourmet meal for an elephant!”
All of that should last me about thirty seconds. Look at me folks I am an elephant.
E-L-E-P-H-A-N-T…elephant. I usually get
about a ton of hay per day.”
“I wouldn’t be so
uppity if I were you,” I said. “You put
yourself in the tree. You only have
yourself to blame. You do not want us to
call someone that could help so you’ll have to eat what we can give you until
we figure out how to get you out of the tree.”
Another voice entered
below the tree. It was the boy’s mother
and she was very, very upset. “Young
man, you were supposed to be home one hour ago.
I was worried and upset.”
The boy, testifying in
his own defense, said that he was helping his friend, mister elephant. The
mother was leery, very leery. “I do not
see an elephant. All I can see is a
mangy old donkey, and a man with a wet baseball cap.”
Mister elephant said
from the tree above her, “Ma’am, do you suppose you could fix me a few peanut
butter and jelly sandwiches?”
The mother looked up
and saw mister elephant in the tree above her and fainted.
“Oh great,” the donkey
said. “Now we have an elephant in a tree
and a dead woman under the tree.” We
better hope the fire department doesn’t show up now. We will all be arrested for murder.”
“Is my mother dead?”
the boy gasped.
“No,” I replied. “She just passed out. Sprinkle some water on her face and she
should be okay.”
The boy was very
gentle. He did not sprinkle water on
her. He took his shirt off and got it
wet from the brook and slowly wiped her brow until she woke up.
She sat up and looked
back into the tree. “Oh my God,” She
said. “There is an elephant in the
tree. For lands sakes how did an
elephant get in the tree?”
“I put myself here,”
said mister elephant. “How many times do
I have to say it? Do you have any more of
those peanut butter and jelly sandwiches?
I am really, really hungry. But, I
don’t want any more of those Oreo cookies.
I seem to be allergic to chocolate.”
Then he sneezed and
the whole tree shook.
Of course the donkey
couldn’t resist. “Now I suppose we will
have to call the doctor? If the doctor
comes then he will call the paramedics and they will call the fire department
and they will call the police and the police will call the reporters and the
next thing you know, we will have fifty news vans parked everywhere. Man, talk about an ecological disaster.”
Mister elephant was
becoming agitated. “Be quiet
donkey. Why don’t you take the boy’s mom
to make me some peanut butter and jelly sandwiches? I think about three hundred should do it.”
“That’s the solution,”
donkey said. “We’ll just feed him until
his fat rear end breaks all the branches and he falls out of the tree.”
“That’s just fine by
me,” mister elephant snorted. “Just get
me food, any food. But, I really want
some more of those peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.”
The boy’s mom took the
boy and they went to find some food for mister elephant.
I could hear her muttering
to herself about going to the store for bread and peanut butter.
Mister elephant said,
“Please hurry, my stomachs killing me.”
I sat down by the
brook and said, “I’ve got a head ache and my feet are still killing me.”
Mister elephant said,
“Don’t take off your shoes and socks again.
I don’t want to smell your stinky feet. That smell will kill me.”
“Great,” Donkey said. “Take your shoes and socks off and let your
stinky feet kill him. When he falls out
of the tree, you can bury him and we can all go home.”
“Funny, funny, funny,”
mister elephant groaned. “I don’t have
to smell his feet; your jokes are killing me.
Just then one of the
boy’s friends came to the tree and started laughing.
“It’s really true,” he
giggled. “There is an elephant in a tree,
and an ugly donkey.”
“Are you really a
politician?” He asked me.
“I am not ugly,”
donkey said.
“I am not a politician,”
I groaned.
“Yes you are,” mister
elephant and donkey said in unison. “You
sold out for one lousy Oreo cookie.”
The boy’s friend
couldn’t wait to tell everyone about the elephant in the tree, the ugly donkey
and the politician. They never had a politician
in their neighborhood and certainly not an elephant in a tree.
The boy’s friend told
his mom. His mom called her brother who was
a local newspaper reporter. The reporter
came with a photographer and the evening paper had a picture of a frightened
hungry elephant setting in a tree.
The headlines
read: “LOCAL POLITICIAN PUTS ELEPHANT IN
TREE”.
Naturally the story
was picked up by the evening TV news and before dark there were news vans from
every major news source in the world.
Nobody bothered to
feed the poor hungry elephant. Everyone
wanted an interview. Every person in the
neighborhood was on one channel or another all across America and the rest of
the world.
Animal cruelty was
being reported. Political tricks were
being reported. The donkey was accused
of kicking his political rival into the tree. I was asked what
office I held. I was asked to run for
Governor and finally one group wanted me to run for president.
Everyone knew the
“real” story and every “real” story was different than the other “real” stories
and they were all wrong. However, that
didn’t bother the news media because each and every one of them had a “scoop”.
The Republicans
accused the Democrats of demeaning their national symbol. The Democrats put an ad on TV disavowing the
“ugly donkey” as their symbol. Their
handsome donkey was somewhere in Maine stumping for an election.
The Republicans
adopted the “elephant in a tree” as their new campaign slogan to show the
entire world the cruelty of the democrats.
The Democrats accused
the Republicans of campaign lies.
The elephant was still
hungry and decided no one was going to bring him any peanut butter and jelly
sandwiches so he decided to do what he should have done before the whole mess
began.
He put himself out of
the tree simply by jumping. He landed
with a great thud but all the news people were so busy gathering news that they
did not see or hear the only news that was happening.
Mister elephant walked
away without a word to anyone.
I could hear him
mumbling to himself as he walked away, “I wondered if she made my peanut butter
and jelly sandwiches yet.
The donkey followed
behind mumbling something about being called ugly.
When the news media
finally figured out that the elephant and the donkey were gone. They all took
off in different directions looking for the terrorists that had captured the
symbols of our fine and upstanding political parties. They were sure the terrorists were holding them for
ransom.
Since I was no longer
part of the donkey and elephant story, I was not considered important anymore.
I took my shoes and
socks off and resumed soaking my stinky feet in the cool water.
Every time I return to
the elephant tree I secretly hope to find Mr. Elephant and Mr. Donkey waiting
there to talk to me but then again I am always happy when they are not. I think I have had enough politics for one year.
old grizz
